Yikes, I’m More Like My Mother Than I Thought!
Remember the movie In Her Shoes with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette? In the film, Cameron Diaz’s character is dealing with some relationship issues in her personal life and ends up crashing with her grandmother in a retirement community.
Well, thanks to a global pandemic and a family trauma, I’ve spent the past two years based at my mother’s house living like Cameron’s Diaz’s character in the movie.
While I never thought I’d be in my late 40s and roommates with my mother, I’m grateful that I’ve had a place to land during a challenging time in my life. I’m also grateful that my mother is one of the calmest people I know and easy to live with too.
Living with a parent as an adult has been a unique and entertaining experience. And, since I’ve had plenty of time to observe my mother in action, I now realize we’re more alike than I actually thought. Here’s why:
We both speak to ourselves. Talking out loud has always been a way for me to get clarity about what I’m thinking in my head. The first time I heard my mother mutter under her breath too, I thought she was bitching about me. Nope, it just turned out that things make more sense to her when she says them to herself too.
We both mumble. I’ve been told throughout my life that it’s hard to understand what I’m saying at times. Now that I’ve had to ask my mother to occasionally speak louder and to repeat what she’s saying, I get why others have sometimes had difficulty catching every word that comes out of my mouth.
We’re both list obsessed. The big difference here is that I try to be “green” and use my phone for tracking what I need to do. On the other hand, my mother is old-school and grabs a pen and paper to make her lists.
We both keep it simple when it comes to preparing food. It seems that we’re all about making meals that are quick and easy. But while I tend to cook a dish with one pan, my mother tends to zap things in the microwave.
We’re both up for an adventure. I’ll always say yes to a road trip and apparently my mother is down for trying new things too. She even suggested we take a hot-air balloon ride!
But, most importantly, we’ll be there in a heartbeat for each other and my younger sister.
Here’s How We’re Different
I’m obsessed with cleaning while my mother is much more relaxed about it. I can’t function if I’m not tidy and organized whereas my mother is more chill about clutter and keeping things neat.
My mother still uses a phone book. I’m surprised my eyes aren’t stuck in one position from rolling them so much each time she’s pulled one out. Even though her phone books are outdated, she rather check it before hopping on the computer.
She’s a semi-hoarder and I’m a minimalist. I’m all about less in more and my mother tends to hold on to things “just in case”.
She’s fiercely patient while I want things done yesterday. Patience is a virtue that never came my way. But, even though my mother is good at rationalizing and being calm, I’m still in awe by how much she procrastinates.
As a retired scientist, she’s fiercely pro-medicine but won’t take any for herself. However, she’ll “push” anything and everything on me — even if I break a nail.
She’s a mother and I’ve never given birth to a child. So, even though I’m pushing 50, (at times) she’ll still treat me as if I’m a teenager.
She’s all about conflict avoidance and I’m about conflict resolution. I am extremely direct and have no patience for BS. On the other hand, Mom is very good at letting things go and sitting on a issue before addressing it.
Here’s the Bottom Line
It’s been fun, frustrating, tiring, and comforting having all this unexpected time with my mother. It’s also been a reminder to count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. So, no matter how alike (or different) my mother and I are, it doesn’t matter. After all, family is family.
